The Art of Listening: Fostering Effective Communication and Strong Relationships
According to MR. Stephen Covey, “The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” If we learn the art of communication, many of our problems can be solved, and paths to success will open up. Communication is essentially about connection, expressing thoughts through means of conveyance, which we use to communicate our conversations, messages, or thoughts to others. It’s not just about speaking but also about listening.
We want people to give us attention, to listen to our words carefully, not just hear them but also act upon them. With this in mind, we continuously strive to improve ourselves and our personalities. We refine our speaking style, choose appropriate words, adopt a polite tone, and even practice in front of a mirror to learn how to speak effectively. While any language is valuable, English holds superiority as it is perceived as a guarantee of success. Freelancing is common nowadays, and English is used to communicate with clients. For this purpose, new words are learned from dictionaries so that written and spoken communication can be more impactful. Although there are many apps for writing, using them requires intelligence and knowledge. However, when it comes to speaking and especially face-to-face communication, the choice of words, tone, and conversational style become very important. Our way of communicating reflects our personality.
It is said that words either uplift us or bring us down. It’s common to like those who speak politely and gently. Each word spoken with care is so lovely that one wishes to hear it repeatedly. Conversely, someone who speaks harshly, shouts, or argues, even if they are speaking the truth, disturbs our hearts. And often, such a person loses credibility and their words become unpleasant.
Do we know that listening attentively to others is also part of communication? We want people to listen to us, but we are not ready to fully listen to them. Often, when someone is speaking, we start giving our opinion midway without waiting for them to finish. Not only that, but we also form our opinion on the incomplete conversation. Sometimes we hear others but fail to understand what situation they are speaking from or what circumstances and events they are going through. We hear but do not understand, only listening and immediately expressing our reactions, inundating them with advice, or bringing our ego into play, forming wrong opinions about them due to our negative thoughts.
Reacting harshly without understanding the conversation actually ruins our relationships. This is why relationships break, friendships turn into enmities, and bonds turn into estrangement. Many beautiful relationships are ruined. We should cultivate patience and tolerance within ourselves and have enough courage and determination to understand others’ conversations without making any definitive judgments or forming opinions until we fully comprehend the situation. Understanding before speaking is crucial because spoken words cannot be taken back.
As we deal with children, we often start scolding them immediately, saying, “I told you, didn’t I? But you didn’t listen.” And we do not understand what the child is trying to say because we believe we are mature and experienced, so the child must be wrong. This way, we cannot establish a friendly environment with our children, leading to misunderstandings that make them directionless. Furthermore, it negatively impacts their personalities and erodes their confidence. Even if they are wrong, they can be explained in a loving manner, using appropriate words and a polite tone.
Always remember that the process of learning continues throughout life, and we learn many things from children. Therefore, we should not consider ourselves the most intelligent or wise and look down upon others or criticize them, damaging relationships. Similarly, when going for a job interview, many candidates hastily answer questions without fully listening and understanding them, leading to rejection before they even get the job.
Surely, it must have come to our observation that many leaders of countries, when communicating in their official capacities, use interpreters even though they have proficiency in English and other languages. They use interpreters to ensure they have adequate time to think and provide thoughtful answers. This also underscores how important it is to understand a question and give an answer in appropriate and polite words, at the right time.
Similarly, in relationships like marriage, parent-child, and others, where we want to maintain our superiority and answer in haste instead of understanding the conversation, we end up insulting each other, not understanding the other person’s feelings, and not making an effort to understand, which creates distance and discord. Consequently, restlessness prevails.
In today’s era of social media, where everyone considers themselves scholars and experts in their field, and immediately responding becomes their primary duty, arguments begin, and inappropriate words are exchanged. On social media, our words become our identity, and immediately responding is not a sign of intelligence; giving a correct answer at the right time is wisdom.
We should listen to others’ words, no matter who the speaker is, with patience and tolerance, and try to understand them because not understanding is the root of all problems.
Before giving any opinion or making a decision, think carefully, assess the situation, and then express your plea in appropriate and gentle words so that no one’s feelings are hurt, and relationships remain beautiful. Always remember that we cannot be alone; our relationships, friends, relatives, acquaintances, and companions are very important, and our relationships will only be better if we listen to understand, not just to reply.
